Educating children: how to learn to say no for their growth

The owner of a pizzeria has warned the customers: rude and noisy children will no longer be able to enter his restaurant. A recent episode has caused a stir and immediate reactions: newspaper articles, statements, and some angry parents.

It is not possible to understand why drastic measures cannot be taken in the face of rudeness. Just look around and it is now customary to see children whizzing on scooters. Or bicycles on the pavements, while dad or mom, regardless of pedestrians, are engaged in telephone conversations.

Same scene on the beach or in public places. Where some children slip between the legs of the waiters while balancing a serving dish.

Educating children: knowing how to say no

It is well known that educating children is a difficult job. Especially today when motherhood has moved a lot forward and there are few children. Often we see mothers in their forties or fathers in their fifties. Who project frustrations, anxieties. And what they have never achieved into their only child. A child who can never be said no.

The journalist Massimo Gramellini underlines: ” By dint of paving the way for the child, there is the risk of exposing him to emotional repercussions whose outcome is increasingly the depression “. It summarizes the concept of a permissive education. This generates fragile, hyper-protected personalities: thus, after the first failure, the boy easily goes into crisis.

In theory, they all agree that in order to educate children correctly one must also know how to say no to children. But in practice, as soon as possible, one leans towards the yes. Some fear that they will hurt or abuse their children. Many parents, attentive to their comfort, in front of a whim or a scream. Prefer not to be disturbed, instead of sitting next to the child, actively participating in his life.

It definitely is more comfortable to put them in front of a video, rather than reading them a good story or play with them. In short, some to educate children to give “yes”, especially when they are nervous or distracted by work problems or more. Instead, a parent should establish an “honest” channel of communication with their child, without an alibi, putting themselves on the line as a person. You should learn how to say no.

Limits and rules: growth toolsEducating children: how to learn to say no for their growth

Many parents are too afraid to impose rules, to propose demanding goals, to say no. Because their children could fail. Often it happens that teachers are targeted by parents because they cannot bear that the child is wrong. They prefer to blame the teacher, who they say is incapable. In the school, the authority has often been contested. So much so that some rigorous teachers are sometimes forced to give in to parents’ grievances.

There are those who favor an education focused on the needs of the child. Those who return to parental control, those who prefer to experiment on the field, confronting other parents or experts. There is no universal solution: what matters is that you are able to say “no” in a targeted way.

In the book of psychotherapist Asha Phillips ” The No that helps to grow ” stresses the importance of limits. And rules as tools for growth. Knowing how to say “no” at the right time, therefore. It becomes a necessary condition for educating children, for personality development.

The importance of granting freedoms

After all, it is the son himself who wants it: he needs an authoritative person, certainly not a friend. There are mothers or fathers who tend to excessively sneak into children’s lives, with phrases such as: “Do this or that, get up, get dressed, eat or play.” It is important that parents allow enough freedom and space for children to learn to explore the world and themselves. But at the same time limits must be set precisely.

In order to develop and grow well, a child must feel loved. And understood and parents should try to establish a fulfilling relationship with him. Children are not all the same: they can be more difficult. Or simply slower in adapting to comply with the rules, to respond to requests and to measure themselves against others.


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